So, I was home for thirty days.
Every day I tried to do as much as I possibly could to make up for everything I had missed, and everything I was going to miss. In the end it was impossible, but I tried. The best part of being home was being able to sleep in until 11 in the morning, which I did almost every day. In the Army, your lucky if you get to "sleep in" till 0600, usually those are the weekends, otherwise you'll be up at 0430. Next to being able to sleep in was the food. Pizza, burgers, candy and soda are all non-existent at Ft. Benning, and the only time I ever heard "All you can eat" was when Pigs Feet were being served... All in all I had a good time, but my ankle was giving me alot of trouble and the cast was incredibly itchy towards the end of the month.
The only other thing that bothered me was that every day that went by, the fact I had to go back to duty loomed over my shoulders more and more.
About a week before I had to go back, I was looking at my leave authorization papers and noticed something I hadn't seen before: my return date was about 4 days earlier then what I thought it was, which was a very big problem since that meant my plane ticket was useless to me now. I called my Company immediately and told them the problem, one of my drill sergeants, who wasn't even at my unit any more told me to buy the ticket for the day which I had, since that was 30 days after I left, but my papers cut that short to 26 or so days. My CO (Commanding Officer of a Company) got on the horn and told me that if I might as well come back on the date on the paperwork "just to be safe" so I didn't accidentally go AWOL.
"Great..." I told myself. I had to schedule a new flight, and on top of that I had planned to spend almost every minute that I could have of that week with my friends.
I was able to re-book my flight at no cost, but it was at 5:00 in the morning. The night before I left was pretty horrible. I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to not make me go back, to make it all go away, to take me back 5 years so I could fix every fuckup I ever did, I'm not going to lie, I cried... You see those commercials on TV of Soldiers, Marines, Airmen and Sailors and say to yourself "Damn that looks cool, I could do that!" but you don't understand that there's a price much greater then getting shot at, nobody who hasn't been in will ever be able to understand what I'm talking about in full contrast. If you have served, and your reading this then you already know what I'm talking about and you don't even want to remember what it felt like, the feeling of what its like to be stuck thousands of miles away from everything you care about and watch in silent horror looking through a barred window as everything on the outside forgets you even existed, as your friends fill the hole you made with a new Girlfriend or Job, as your Girlfriend or Wife goes about her days normally as if you haven't left, not even writing. As your family packs all your belongings in your room into boxes and lets one of your sisters or brothers have the space... But the images are all lies at the same time, distorted by human nature and stress. None of these things may be happening, or if they are then 90% of the time there are good reasons. A warrior walks through a dark cloud of uncertainty, he can only go with what others tell him, that and the images and fantasies he conjures in the dark recesses of his mind.
Regardless of what really is truth and fiction, it doesn't matter, because you'll never know. What you do know beyond doubt is your job, the life of a soldier is a life of sacrifice. Right now there is a soldier 6000 miles from his home. He's walking in a torrential downpour of rain completely soaked, even with his poncho on. He's marched 17 miles wearing 80 pounds of Full Battle Gear plus his weapon and ammunition in this weather down a muddy road, which he's most likely fallen into more then a few times. His Battle-Buddies are in no mood to talk, they're as pissed and uncomfortable about their situation as he is, a few have probably gotten into fights. Moral is low. The wind is strong and cold and there seems almost no protection from it's bite. As he looks skyward for some answer to a question forming in his head, his neck pains him, his 8 pound helmet is starting to weigh heavily on his head. The order comes down the line to stop and eat lunch, the time is 12:00 and they've been marching since 04:30 in the morning with few breaks, but it's nothing new to him. He opens his ruck and pulls out an MRE, a true Champions breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He pulls out the package within labeled "Salisbury Steak" and begins eating it cold, there's no time to heat it up. The guy next to him offers $10 for the M&Ms still within the container, Salisbury Steak MREs always have them, but his offer is turned down, today, the Soldier wants to enjoy the finer things in life, after all, 10 Dollars is pretty useless out there unless it comes in singles, then at least you have toilet paper. 15 minutes later the order comes to get moving again. As he gets back up his back muscles strain, the weight of the rucksack his made him sore, he picks up his pack and slings the straps over his shoulders and continues on.
He does what he does so that you don't have to, so you CAN continue as if nothing extraordinary has happened and so that you never have to live in fear. Those are the true pains of a soldier, the fact that you fight for the very reason you are so quickly forgotten, a paradox explainable only by the intense patriotism, love, and excellency exhibited by such fine people, whether they accept the praise or not. To them it is not a duty to serve their country, it is an Honor. Nobody ever truly forgets a soldier, not his family, not his wife, not his friends, but as a soldier walks through that dark cloud, he often looses his way. Consider it an honor to help one find it again, say "thankyou", and mean it, it does more then you could ever imagine.
I stepped on the plane with the weight of a mountain on my shoulders, but I was ready for what came next.
The only other thing that bothered me was that every day that went by, the fact I had to go back to duty loomed over my shoulders more and more.
About a week before I had to go back, I was looking at my leave authorization papers and noticed something I hadn't seen before: my return date was about 4 days earlier then what I thought it was, which was a very big problem since that meant my plane ticket was useless to me now. I called my Company immediately and told them the problem, one of my drill sergeants, who wasn't even at my unit any more told me to buy the ticket for the day which I had, since that was 30 days after I left, but my papers cut that short to 26 or so days. My CO (Commanding Officer of a Company) got on the horn and told me that if I might as well come back on the date on the paperwork "just to be safe" so I didn't accidentally go AWOL.
"Great..." I told myself. I had to schedule a new flight, and on top of that I had planned to spend almost every minute that I could have of that week with my friends.
I was able to re-book my flight at no cost, but it was at 5:00 in the morning. The night before I left was pretty horrible. I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to not make me go back, to make it all go away, to take me back 5 years so I could fix every fuckup I ever did, I'm not going to lie, I cried... You see those commercials on TV of Soldiers, Marines, Airmen and Sailors and say to yourself "Damn that looks cool, I could do that!" but you don't understand that there's a price much greater then getting shot at, nobody who hasn't been in will ever be able to understand what I'm talking about in full contrast. If you have served, and your reading this then you already know what I'm talking about and you don't even want to remember what it felt like, the feeling of what its like to be stuck thousands of miles away from everything you care about and watch in silent horror looking through a barred window as everything on the outside forgets you even existed, as your friends fill the hole you made with a new Girlfriend or Job, as your Girlfriend or Wife goes about her days normally as if you haven't left, not even writing. As your family packs all your belongings in your room into boxes and lets one of your sisters or brothers have the space... But the images are all lies at the same time, distorted by human nature and stress. None of these things may be happening, or if they are then 90% of the time there are good reasons. A warrior walks through a dark cloud of uncertainty, he can only go with what others tell him, that and the images and fantasies he conjures in the dark recesses of his mind.
Regardless of what really is truth and fiction, it doesn't matter, because you'll never know. What you do know beyond doubt is your job, the life of a soldier is a life of sacrifice. Right now there is a soldier 6000 miles from his home. He's walking in a torrential downpour of rain completely soaked, even with his poncho on. He's marched 17 miles wearing 80 pounds of Full Battle Gear plus his weapon and ammunition in this weather down a muddy road, which he's most likely fallen into more then a few times. His Battle-Buddies are in no mood to talk, they're as pissed and uncomfortable about their situation as he is, a few have probably gotten into fights. Moral is low. The wind is strong and cold and there seems almost no protection from it's bite. As he looks skyward for some answer to a question forming in his head, his neck pains him, his 8 pound helmet is starting to weigh heavily on his head. The order comes down the line to stop and eat lunch, the time is 12:00 and they've been marching since 04:30 in the morning with few breaks, but it's nothing new to him. He opens his ruck and pulls out an MRE, a true Champions breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He pulls out the package within labeled "Salisbury Steak" and begins eating it cold, there's no time to heat it up. The guy next to him offers $10 for the M&Ms still within the container, Salisbury Steak MREs always have them, but his offer is turned down, today, the Soldier wants to enjoy the finer things in life, after all, 10 Dollars is pretty useless out there unless it comes in singles, then at least you have toilet paper. 15 minutes later the order comes to get moving again. As he gets back up his back muscles strain, the weight of the rucksack his made him sore, he picks up his pack and slings the straps over his shoulders and continues on.
He does what he does so that you don't have to, so you CAN continue as if nothing extraordinary has happened and so that you never have to live in fear. Those are the true pains of a soldier, the fact that you fight for the very reason you are so quickly forgotten, a paradox explainable only by the intense patriotism, love, and excellency exhibited by such fine people, whether they accept the praise or not. To them it is not a duty to serve their country, it is an Honor. Nobody ever truly forgets a soldier, not his family, not his wife, not his friends, but as a soldier walks through that dark cloud, he often looses his way. Consider it an honor to help one find it again, say "thankyou", and mean it, it does more then you could ever imagine.
I stepped on the plane with the weight of a mountain on my shoulders, but I was ready for what came next.
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